


Identity crisis

by Zero2Nero



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-05-30 11:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6421876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zero2Nero/pseuds/Zero2Nero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Quinx, a weapon to bring down the enemy, by becoming the enemy itself.<br/>Their lives all hang in the balance of a thread, on the verge of becoming what they hunt. What they hate. Once they cross that path, not even the CCG can save them. Once they cross the line between human and ghoul, they might as well be dead. Because now in the midst of recovering from their latest surgery, the Quinx realize the doctors released more than just another part of their kagune.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A shift in time

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this first a couple of months ago on tumblr, but after all of the recent events I decided to revamp it! Kaneki will come up later, there is a reason he's in the beginning. Please enjoy reading and comment any suggestions please ^_^

Life is nothing but a game. It brings pain, sorrow happiness. It brings anger and misery. It takes away from who you are. There’s no escaping it. There’s no cheating it. We are all stuck in a never ending war between each other. Ghouls, humans. Always taking what the other values most, devaluing each others lives. There’s so few in the crossroads of the two worlds. The artificial half ghouls, created in a sick and twisted jest. Natural half ghouls, both belonging and undeserving of both worlds. Quinx, a weapon to bring down the enemy, by becoming the enemy itself.  
Their lives all hang in the balance of a thread, on the verge of becoming what they hunt. What they hate. Once they cross that path, not even the CCG can save them. Once they cross the line between human and ghoul, they might as well be dead.

He’s not the same person he used to be. He knows all of the names, all of the identities. He knows he he used to be, what he used to like. But now, Kaneki doesn't know who he is anymore, or what he stands for.  
Mutsuki stands nervously with the other members of the squad, tapping his foot to an unheard beat, chewing the outer ring of his cuticles, eyes darting back and forth about the room. His eyes finally land on the door, lingering there until the doctor walks in. They all have their reasons for being there, this surgery is only another step in what they’ve become. Only another step to further them. They’re weapons, and the CCG plans to use them to their full extent. No matter what the cost. 

The anesthetic wears off quickly. Mutsuki lets out a haggard gasp as he comes to his senses. The pain in his back is close to unbearable, and upon opening his eyes, he’s hit with a wave of dizziness. His stomach feels as if it’s tied into a tight knot, and his head feels an absolute rush as both smell and hearing intensify. His eye throbs. He picks up the mirror on the bedside. As he sees his reflection, the breath comes out forth from his lungs in a whoosh. 

Urie lets out an involuntary groan of pain, feeling like the end of the world was upon him. He wonders how big this surgery really was, it doesn’t feel like his last Kagune upgrade surgery. Still fuzzy from the anesthetic, he strains to hear an on going conversation in the hall, the frenzied arguing of doctors.  
“Procedure 33 kagune enhancement didn’t work on any subjects,” a stocky nurse reports.  
“Run the RC levels again. I want anything over 1,000 to suppressed to a minimum of 850, for now. Three doses of the RC suppressants each,” the doctor lists off.  
“See their reaction to food first,” he adds. 

Saiko lays petrified from the doctor’s conversation, nearly jumping when the nurse comes in. In her hands is a tray of food and a glass of water. Sitting her, up, Saiko nearly passes out from the pain emanating within her back, voicing her protest in a series of pained groans.  
“It’s crucial that you eat something, Yonebayashi san,” the nurse chides. Saiko’s usually untamable appetite is now nonexistent. She eyes the food wearily, the sushi not looking as tempting as it normally would. Reaching tentatively for it, she pauses. The smell itself is repulsive, as if the fish had been rotting in the sun all day. Gingerly taking a bite, she gags it back up. 

Aura groans as the pain in his back sends him back down on the bed. He knows that deep down, something went wrong with the surgery. The pain he feels is unbearable, the smells intense. He cracks his eyes open, reeling from the harsh light of the room. A nurse stands over him, poking a needle in his arm.  
“Just a routine check,” she says, forcing a smile to her face. Her eyes look tired, and troubled. But not as troubled as Aura’s when she accidentally pricks her finger. He shouldn’t feel anything at the sight of blood. But his stomach drops when he realizes that the faint smell is something all too hard for him to resist. 

His smell is what comes to him first. The smell of cheap hospital food, chemicals, and the doctor. He stands over Hige, a grim look set on his face.  
“Are you awake?” The doctor asks. Hige sits up, and opens his eyes. His eyes look tired, with circles set under them. He can barely register the doctor’s words between the drugs still in his system and the general crappiness of the whole surgery.  
“What’s wrong with me?” He asks, panic tinging the outer rings of his voice.  
“There’s been a complication with the surgery, and unforeseen effect between your bodies and the RC mutating,” he continues on. Hige catches his one slip up, bodies. His stomach drops as he hears the doctor talk of the rest. Because not only is he now a ghoul, so are his squad mates.

Her fingers work at the bands strapped around her wrist, she’s already awake. And she’s heard every word of what the doctor’s said to Hige. Her normally calm and collected demeanor is shattered, and she’s desperate to claw out of the bounds tying her to an early grave. Her heart rate elevated, and she can hear her own pulse. Her fingers shake, to much to use them to undo her chains. But through her, she feels something different in her. And even though she’s still groggy from the meds, she tries pulling free. A just and taught yank brings the strap into half of what it used to be. She gingerly stands up. If she leaves through the door, the doctors may notice she’s gone. The window temptingly stands partially open, and she wonders if she could scale it, making her way to the other Qunix’s rooms.  
Logic tells her that the others are on the same floor on her, yet she doesn’t know if she could scale it in her current state. Her answers are given to her though, as a CCG official comes in, distracted by his phone. Ginny comes up behind him quietly. He’s a small, mousy man around her height and not much bigger than her. She easily over takes him from behind, slipping her hand over his mouth. She quickly shuts the door, binding him to the bed.  
“What’re they planning to do to us?” She asks, her voice hard and cutting. She removes her hand, allowing him to speak.  
“They’ve already run all the tests,” he says, fighting the bounds at his wrists.  
“Now Ginny, I don’t think you’re thinking this through. Just let me out and we can-” he says, before Ginny cuts him off.  
“What are they planning on doing?” She asks again, her hands clamping down on his shoulders. He winces, turning his head.  
“They’ve already run tests on Yonebayshi and Urie..” he trails off.  
“There’s not much they can do. I-I mean there’s no more physical differences between you and a-and a ghoul,” he stammers out.  
His eyes lock with fear, Ginny grits her teeth at his half truth. She’s beyond livid, her calm demeanor a ghost of her former self. She digs her fingers into his shoulder, making him cry out.  
“And what. Are the CCG going to do about it?” She growls. He shakes his head, glaring at her. She takes his challenge, pinning his arm behind his back and pushing his wrist up towards his shoulder.  
“What do they plan to do with us officer?” She asks him again. He grunts out in pain, letting out a strained cry for help. She pushes his arm up further.  
“Call again and I’ll break it,” she says. His breath catches in his throat as she pushes her knee down on his back.  
“Tell me or I’ll crush you like the bug you are,” she warns. His breathing quickens, and his voice is strained.  
“There’s nothing they can do. The CCG recommended immediate termination,” he forces out.  
“But why so quickly after the surgery?” She asks him, pressing her knee harder.  
“Because Aogiri’s already caught wind of the operation, it’s only a matter of time before they make a move on you all, this failure, it can’t get out to the public! The CCG would be done for if the people knew they were making ghouls, I mean just look at the controversy over the Quinx,” he rasps. Ginny lets him go, hearing the air hiss out of his lungs as he slumps forward on to the bed.  
“I’m sorry about this,” she says, bringing her elbow down on his head.

Ginny strolls out of the room, her attire ill fitting and misrepresentative. But now that she knows her fate, and the others fate, she has to set them free. Because the Quinx went from hunting the CCG’s targets, to being their targets, and now the others lives are on the line to.


	2. The great escape part l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How can Ginny find a way to both rescue the team and leave the hospital undetected?

There’s nothing to describe the feeling within her gut as she walks down the hospital corridor. Anxiety, and a feeling of screaming, eminent fear. Any second now someone would find the unconscious investigator chained where she would be, and they’d be upon her in a second. But life continues on in the hospital, and Ginny goes unnoticed.  
The light of the bulbs ahead bounces off of the linoleum of the hospital floor, the smell of disinfectant burns her nose. She struts up to a nurse nearby, flashing the CCG badge of an investigator.  
“I need the room number of investigators Yonebayshi Saiko, Urie Kuki, Aura Shinsanpei, Touma Higemaru Mutsuki Tooru, and Ching Li Hsiao.” She says in her lowest voice, pulling her pilfered hat farther down over her face.  
“Oh, of course. Rooms 213, 210, 219, 209, 212, and 211,” she says, handing over a piece of paper. Ginny nods, strolling towards Urie's room. Her stomach roils. She hopes he’ll have a plan.

She knocks curtly on his door, opening it a crack. Urie sits up, staring at the tray of food in front of him. He looks up, already knowing her by scent.  
“I thought they haven’t allowed us up yet…” he trails off, not even noticing her stolen clothes. Ginny looks over her shoulder in the hall, quickly closing the door behind her, heading towards his bed.  
“They didn’t,” she says quietly. She works at his bounds on his wrists, ripping them apart.  
“The operation didn’t work,: she says, meeting his gaze on the plate. He nods his head absently. Truth be told, Urie’s heard the doctor’s talk. He’s felt the effects of the surgery. He knows what’s become of him. Like when someone know’s someone’s been tampering with things in their room. But Ginny’s words go through one of his ears and right out the other.  
“You don’t get it, do you?” Ginny asks, shaking her head.  
“The CCG’s put us on their termination lists, we’re failures, Urie.” She says, harsher than she intended. His eyes look up at her. Cold, calculating.  
“There’s no place for us here any more.”  
“Of course there is,” he says. “We’re still human.”  
Ginny lets out a coarse bark of laughter.  
“We’ve been out of surgery a total of five hours and they’ve already sent a dispatch for me. It’s only a matter of time before they move on to the rest of us. We need to go.” She growls. Urie stands up.  
“You can’t leave the room, they’ll notice you immediately...” she trails off.  
“We need a distraction to get us all out of here,” Urie finishes. Ginny nods.  
“I’ll pull the fire alarm once I’ve freed everyone. Take that as your cue to exit the room,” Ginny says. Urie nods.  
“We’ll all meet in the back courtyard,” Urie finalizes. They share a curt bow before Ginny leaves the room, heading for Saiko.

Saiko sits bundled in a ball, shivering slightly. Ginny walks over to Saiko, putting her hand on her shoulder.  
“It’s time to go, Saiko-chan,” Ginny softly coos. Saiko hiccups a sob, shaking harder.  
“What, what did they do to me?” She gasps. Ginny drops her gaze to Saiko’s face, shuddering at her eyes. Eye’s that hold full kakugan. She wonders if hers will do the same.  
“We need to go, Saiko,” Ginny says more firmly. Saiko shivers, but sits up, holding her hands out. Ginny makes quick work of the restraints, and tells her to wait for the fire alarm as well. She does so with the next three Q’s, noting that only Mutsuki appeared have double kakugan as well. For now.  
Pulling the fire alarm was easy. Making her way past all of the scared people rushing to the safety of lower floors and fresh air was worse. She hoped the others made it out okay to.


	3. The great escape part ll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the hospital, the Quinx devise a plan, and reflect on if they should stay or leave the CCG.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter may be tedious, it's already two pages long as it is! I promise it'll have a little bit more action in the next chapter, but hey, everyone needs a plan. (Even these dorks.)

The loud and attentive cries of the fire alarm pull everyone out of the building. Ginny can only help but hope that the other agents assigned to the other Q’s were as distracted as everyone else was by the fire alarm. That the others had managed to lose them. Of course, she didn’t doubt them, but a ball of worry still knit itself in the pit of her stomach as she nears the back courtyard. According to most fire codes, the people should be pooling in the front of the hospital, and the back lot should be empty. And it is. Her breathing quickens as she notices the others aren’t there. So after a moment of running in circles, she takes shelter in a shadier spot between the buildings, waiting for the others.  
Hige and Aura show up first, bare feet pounding on the hot pavement. She steps out, motioning them over.  
“Where’s the others?” She asks them. Hige catches his breath, while Aura, puts a hand on the wall to steady himself. The aftereffects of the surgery still upon him.  
“I saw Urie, not to far from hall B,” Aura pants.  
“Saiko was tailing him by five feet, Mutsuki left his room before everyone else, I caught sight of him going around the corner when I left my room,” Hige finishes. Ginny nods, and right on que the others come running up to the courtyard, full bound running. They rush towards the small group, crashing into the others.  
“I think someone saw us coming over here,” Saiko rushes out, looking over her shoulder. The group tenses, everyone looking at the corner, though nothing appears to be bounding after them. Everyone’s tense, looking at one another.  
“This all seems ridiculous,” Ginny says to herself. “I just can’t believe it,” she whispers. They all look down, afraid and ashamed of what they’ve become.  
“Has anyone noticed what all’s different about themselves?” Saiko asks, trying to assert herself. Everyone nods, thinking of at least one more way they’re a ghoul.  
“I have two kakugan,” Mutsuki says. And for the first time, everyone looks at Mutsuki, really looks at him. Because right there on his face are two kakugan, as black and red as any other ghouls. And as they all activate their own, they all realize that they have them too. Uries hands start to shake, he clenches them into fists. His mind races, and a feeling of grief comes over him. It becomes him, from the inside out. How he’s just as retched as the creatures that killed his father, all of his hard work. Down the god damned drain.  
Everyone looks to Urie for guidance. Silently urging him to say something anything.  
“Well squad leader,” Ginny says. “It’s your call.” Urie looks up and around at everybody, the intense feeling of fear still wracking him up from the inside out, but he realizes that they do need him. And they need to do something, quick.  
“This,” he says. “Is all a mistake.” The others look at him, prodding him for more. Ginny motions for everyone to move toward an abandoned building across the street, now deserted of cars. Urie continues as he walks.  
“The CCG were going to take us back,” he follows up. “They would take us back to the more private hospital, they’ll work on us there,” he finishes. Ginny fiddles with her fingers, cracking her knuckles nervously.  
“What if they can’t cure us?” She asks quietly. Everyone looks up at her. “I mean, in those hours after the surgery, the doctors tried. To help us I mean,” she said. Urie’s eyes widen.  
“So are you going to live like a ghoul? Is that it? He asks her. “We pledged to the CCG, we knew the risks when we signed the surgery papers,” he rants. “If they don’t have more time to find a cure for us, then how can we ever be cured?” He lashes the words out at her, more intensity than she’d ever heard in his voice before.  
“I heard what that agent said. He was there to DISPOSE of me!” Ginny cried. “He said we were nothing but a threat to the CCG’s reputation! When I signed my papers I signed up for people that stood against the mutiny of humans, not petty cowards afraid to own up to their mistakes,” she finishes. The group is hushed, everyone contemplating what she said.  
“We need to have a plan, and we need to make it quick,” Mutsuki cuts in. The others agree, nodding their heads.  
“We can’t go out in these hospital gowns,” Saiko says. “We’ll stick out and they’ll be able to track us easier.” The others nod.  
“I’m the only one with clothes. If I can find a better place for you guys to hide and quickly, I can get back to the house before they post guards around it, get our clothes,” Ginny lets the idea resonate with the others. They agree with her, and they devise a plan.  
“A drop off for the underground tunnels that we know of should be down the road, if we can get there quickly we can hide out in a passage. Ginny can catch a cab back to the chateau, and grab out clothes, money, and anything else we’ll need. She’ll sneak the car out of the garage and drive it back, leaving it a couple blocks away, she’ll then meet us here,” Mutsuki says, laying their plan out. The others agree, and the plan’s set. Now all there is to do is actually do it.


	4. Tension trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginny reminisces of what could be and what was. While the others underground debate whether or not it's worth leaving the CCG, and what they really are.

Paranoia noun [U]  
US /ˌpær·əˈnɔɪ·ə/

a strong tendency to feel that you cannot trust other people or that other people have a bad opinion of you.

That’s the best way to describe Ginny’s feeling as the cab inches slowly through the city traffic. It’s only a matter of time before the hospital reports the team missing, only a matter of time until her face may be plastered all around. Though, that may be bad publicity for the CCG. She wondered if they would put a warning out for them. On one hand it might alert Aogiri, on the other hand the public could turn them in themselves. 

But, she realized. Their faces were not yet piled up on the electronic billboards,the cab driver never turned around to look and identify her face. But yet there, the feeling of paranoia still overwhelmed her. Maybe that’s because the one place that was supposed to be her safe haven wanted her dead, that she now had nowhere to go. She tried to push those thoughts from her mind, but they stayed there, festering and spreading like a disease. She felt she’d lose it, barely even coercing herself to pay the driver and get out of the cab when they arrived. 

There still weren’t any cars around on the chateau, and she couldn’t smell anyone as she entered the house. The door opens with a slight whine, but everything seems fine in the house other than that. Grabbing the largest duffle bag from any of the rooms she can find, she loads up everyone’s clothes, money, and what little she can find to disguise themselves. She stops short in front of Shirazu’s room though. It was still the way he had left it, the door always slightly open a crack. Clothes lay on the floor, scattered in the same fashion as always. Pictures plaster the wall, and even though she never knew him, those pictures make her feel like she did. It was the unspoken rule that you don’t really touch anything in Shirazu’s room. She didn’t totally feel morally sound taking the few rolls of bills he had in his room, but if anyone, Ginny thought, Shirazu sounded like the type of person who would have supported their current cause. 

As she leaves his room, a picture catches her eye. In it, is Shirazu, Urie, Mutsuki, Saiko, and Haise. All of them smiling, and beaming. Her breath catches a little, seeing the other so happy like that. Never as she’d seen them. She grabs the picture, a memento to the happiness she hoped that she and the others could someday have. 

 

The tunnels are dark. Dark and cold. Urie can feel his own breath puff up in the cold air around him. His shoulders shake unintentionally, as do everyone else’s. Uncertainty hangs in the air, and no one can find the words to say. Except Urie.

“You know it’s gonna get worse the longer we wait?” He asks. The others look up at him. “When we get back, the CCG might think we’ve committed crimes, they might think we’ve killed people,” he continues. “We can only go so long without eating.” The others nod.

“Do you really think we’ll be able to go back though?” Saiko asks. 

“We need to get in touch with someone,” Hige replies. Urie lets out a harsh bark of laughter.

 

“Like who? Are we going to give grandpa Arima a friendly call? Let him trace our phone line?” Urie retorts. 

“Even Arima know’s we’re still people,” Mutsuki chimes in. 

“Did you ever try that hospital food they gave us?” Urie asks. Mutsuki nods.

“I bet you threw that right up. No, I bet you weren’t able to get it down,” he challenges. Mutsuki agrees, he thought the food tasted like glue, with the consistency to match.

“With all of the other hospital surgeries, I’ve still never had anything that tasted so bad,” Urie goes on. The others all think the same thing.

“And with our eyes the way they are,” Aura trails off.

“But what if it’s temporary?” Mutsuki asks. 

“I guess we’ll find out,” Saiko replies. The others start to say something, only to be cut off by a noise coming from the other end of the tunnel, the slosh of footsteps approaching closer. They start to tense, all coiling up to run. But Ginny’s scent shines through the boggy smell of the tunnels, relaxing the others. Her slow and relaxed steps find them, and she drops a duffle bag into the center of the group. 

“Well that’s settled,” she says, sitting down between Mutsuki and Aura. Everyone nods, pawing through what she brought. 

“You didn’t bring my gameboooy,” Saiko whines, squinting over at Ginny. Ginny rolls her eyes, sarcasm dripping through her demeanor.

“I didn’t realize that we had such time for frivolous activities while we’re fleeing for our lives,” Ginny offered. Saiko groans in her direction flipping Ginny the bird. Saiko picks up her clothes and turns around to dress herself. The others do as well, leaving Ginny with the fleeting thought of how human they all still looked, even though of how currently inhuman they already are.

“So what’s the plan?” Saiko asks once everyone’s sat back down once again. Everyone shrugs. 

“Maybe we should wait a few days for the effects to wear off, to be sure that we really aren’t going to change back on our own,” Hige says. The other’s take it into consideration.

“Stay in the tunnels?” Saiko asks. They nod.

“But what will we do, once we’re sure?” Mutsuki asks. Everyone’s silent, save for a few drops of water splattering into the center of the circle from up above.

“I think that Arima might be best,” Urie says. Saiko looks like she’s about to agree, before another person flashes into her mind.

“What about Akira? She’s the most sympathetic.” Saiko puts in. Everyone wonders.

“Maybe we should just enter the main building once we know,” Aura says. The others whip their head up to him, all of them too stunned to answer.

“That answer just might be crazy enough..” Urie trails off, “TO GET US ALL KILLED!” He finishes loudly. Saiko giggles, her hand flying over her mouth.

“You just referenced Spongebob,” She says in between giggle fits. The others start to giggle to, the tunnel echoing their childish nonsense back to them. The tension in the room eases, everyone can feel exhaustion starting to over exert them.

“We need to keep going down the tunnels aways,” Ginny tiredly says. The rest of them agree. “If we just keep going towards the center, it starts to get more complicated. It’s the heart of everything. And the CCG doesn’t have a map to it,” Ginny offers. The others agree. 

“I brought notebook paper to keep a steady map of where we’re going started. We just need to keep charting everything from this point on.” 

“Mutsuki, you’re official map maker,” Urie declares. “Let’s get moving,” he prods the others.


	5. Order in The Fray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quinx find themselves navigating throughout the tunnels. Where as Kaneki awakes to find a familiar face about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that in the present things may not make sense. But please try to keep an open mind, as I do have plans for the long run! I've decided that after this moment henceforth, I will be following the movements of the manga up to chapter 73. From here on out it a AU completely with in itself. I of course am still going to keep going with this and with the characters, but it's taking a different spin on things. Feel free to ask me questions about it in the comments!!

Their steps echo off the tunnel walls, the distant sounds of the city rage on above them, sounding more like the crashing of waves upon the ocean than humans living their day to day lives. The Quinx as well, feel as if they’re on another planet. The tunnels are moist and cool, any and all sound echoing off of the walls. It’s dark, and their eyes take a long time to adjust, the one flashlight Ginny thought to bring barely cutting through the thick black inkiness of the tunnels.

All of their nerves are frayed, but in these tunnels, an almost sort of alarming calm falls over the group. In these tunnels, there is nothing to fear. In these tunnels, every worry evaporates. 

When they finally do hit the heart of the tunnel, the group stops, simultaneously.

“Which way do we go?” Hige asks, looking over to Urie. The others look to him as well. The tunnel is sprawling, and the three paths there are branch right, left, and center. 

 

“The left smells most recently used,” Urie says.

“The right smells least used,” Saiko observes.

“Why not the center though?” Mutsuki asks. “It seems the most obvious, where does that lead?” The others nod, looking down each tunnel’s inky infinity. 

 

“It is a bit risky to go down the center, isn’t it?” Saiko asks. 

 

“I don’t really know, we want to avoid anyone as much as possible, the only other people that use these tunnels are ghouls,” Ginny says. Aura lets out a bark at this.

 

“Well then I guess we fit in here perfectly,” he says, taking the lead and heading down the center tunnel. The others wait to follow, not sure of where to go. “We’ve got all the time in the world right now. Isn’t that what we’re doing? Waiting?” Aura turns to ask them, walking backwards. Hige and Saiko go to follow him, turning back on the group. 

“He seems to be the only one with an idea,” Saiko calls. “And we do need to get going sometime,” she says to the other reluctant groupees. They pace down the tunnel in silence, only breathing fills the tunnels. 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

He hears the faint tip tapping of boots on a wet floor before he realizes there’s someone there. That he should open his eyes. The boot taps Kaneki lightly on the shoulder, tipping him to the side. 

“I’ve gotta say Kaneki,” the familiar voice says softly, “I thought you’d put up more of a fight.” Kaneki groans, the feeling in his legs like that of ice, his body is ravenous and parched. He opens his blood crusted eyes, just a crack. His scenery is different. The cell isn’t that of cochlea, it’s more of a dank and dim room. Liquid residue drips slowly off of the walls and pools towards the ground in thick puddles. It smells of dead bodies and blood, a tattered show of rags on a cot masquerades as a bed in the corner, and the familiar strangers scent is cloaked by all of the different stenches about the room. His eyes are still fuzzy and adjusting, unable to make out the other man’s face.

“It’s not the best, I know,” He says modestly. 

“It was just such a lucky break that I was able to get you away, I remembered this place last minute. Some of the others in my group talked about this place.” He says quietly. “Anyway, you’ve been in and out of a deranged consciousness ever since you got here two months ago.” The voice finishes. It calms Kaneki, this man, and his voice. His demeanor. It doesn’t strike him as threatening. And just then, his eyes clear. 

“Hide,” he breaths. Hide grins down at Kaneki, squatting down and throwing a hand on his shoulder. 

“So you are really lucid,” Hide observes. Kaneki nods his head, attempting to sit up, though failing miserably. His head pounds, his legs feel staticky. Kaneki lands back down with a thud, his head lolling to the side. It’s a whole new side of him that Hide is seeing. Something that was always there, but not always visible. It made Hide both mad and extremely perturbed to see Kaneki like this, to remember how he heard Kaneki himself talking about saving Hinami, by becoming a “martyr,” like Hide. But it was all bullshit, all of it. 

It coloured Hide’s cheeks to think of Kaneki using a rescue mission, as an excuse to die. To cover up his suicide as if it were some tragic heroes ending. No, the reason Hide had sacrificed himself to Kaneki in the first place was to help him win the fight against Arima. To help Kaneki live. And he’d taken that and thrown it away the first chance he had. And it pissed Hide off that one of the people he cared of most used his own name as the sake of his martyrdom. His boot came down a little harder on Kaneki’s chest. Just enough to get his attention drawn back up.

 

“Get up, Kaneki,” Hide commands, an edge in his voice. “You have a new reason to live now.”   
Kaneki looks up to Hide’s face, lifting himself gracelessly off the ground once the boot from his chest was removed. 

“What is it?” He rasps out, eyes dull and glazed.

“The Quinx escaped.” Hide says. “We need to find them, and evaluate their situation,” he tries more convincingly. Kaneki nods his head.

“Good,” Hide sighs out, letting out a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding. He engulfs Kaneki in a hug. 

“It’s so good to see you again,” Hide says into Kaneki’s shoulder. It’s in that moment that Kaneki feels a dam that had been held full to the brink for years burst. The cracks came undone, and out came a spring of tears, followed by a loud cacophony of sobs. 

“How are you alive?” He asks Hide. Hide lets out a pained laugh through his own sobs.

“Let’s just say, I owe a lot of people,” Hide replies. With this close of a proximity, Kaneki can smell Hide now. He carries the type of smell Kaneki knows all too well, a smell much like his own.

“What did they do to you?” He asks, terror gripping the insides of his lungs. Hide shifts uncomfortably, letting Kaneki go. 

“I’ll tell you when you’re all better and ready to go,” Hide says softly. Kaneki nods his head, and Hide walks out of the room. 

On the small radio attached to the inside of his coat’s breast, Hide pushes the outgoing message button. 

“I got him to cooperate,” Hide says into the mic, remorse in his voice. 

The voice on the other end is muffled, but replies, “Just make sure you get to them before the CCG.”


	6. Einstein's theory of insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At a critical time of hunger, who goes back to the CCG, and who stays?

Rain pelts down on the window, seeping in through a small crack. The sky’s decorated grey, and thunder rumbles in the distance. Kaneki sits curled up on a big reading chair, an old book in hand. The patter of rain sets the soundtrack to the words in the old book, he hums under his breath. A real feeling of peace settles over him, it’s been so long since he’s felt anything could go right. 

If you took a knife, and launched it at someone’s stomach with a canon, and coated that knife with poison, it still wouldn’t be as painful as the Quinx’s hunger. It’s gnawing and viscous. Panging and persistent. It’s insanity at it’s core, it’s not being able to tell their dreams from when they’re awake. If this is even a dream. They know. They know they need to head up soon. Because if they don’t they might start eating each other, their trust is already pushed to the limit. But the group’s divided. Those who feel there isn’t any salvation back at the CCG, and those who can only hope they’ll be fixed. 

Urie grits his teeth as the others bicker, everyone’s kakugan show’s in the dim light, they look like rabid dogs.   
“We need to go!” Urie screams at them, attempting to get their attention. Saiko scoffs, nearly cackling at the thought.  
“So we can be turned in to Quinques?” She asks Urie. He bites back a retort, Hige cuts in.  
“What other option do we have? You wanna kill someone?” Hige turns to Saiko, asking her seriously. Her eyes fall, darting side to side. She doesn't have anything to say.   
“We need to at least try regular food again,” Ginny says. “We need to go back up, at the very least.” She finishes. The others start bickering again, everyone’s opinions overrides the others. 

Hige pipes up.  
“You know what?” He screams at the others. “Why don’t you just do whatever the hell you want! But I’m not spending another minute in this hell hole!” He rushes off towards the opposite end of the tunnel, towards the exit.   
Urie feels torn. Stay and lead his group, or go with common sense. The others look haggard, some looking more unforgiving than others. It’s like a weight is suddenly lifted off of his shoulders. Because if he goes to the CCG, then he’ll know if they can save him. The others. Screw them, they don’t have to come right now if they don’t want to. He can come back and get them once he’s better, rub it in their faces what ass’s they’ve been.  
“Whoever’s staying, stay here with Saiko,” he says. “You’ll lead the one’s who stay, I’m going with anyone else who wants to go to the CCG.” Saiko bites her lip, not quite wanting to split the group up. 

“We should at least meet up, see if there is any cure at the CCG,” she says.   
“What do you mean?” Urie asks. Saiko looks down picking at her cuticles.  
“If there’s any way they can reverse the operation, you should meet us once you get back, once they fix you.” She says. Urie nods.   
“We’ll meet at the cafe on the corner, the one near the hospital. With the crappy coffee,” Urie says.   
He turns around towards the exit, a feeling of dread knots his stomach. Whether it’s for him or the others, he doesn’t know. No one follows him and Hige towards the CCG. And in that moment he know’s who his dread is for.   
“Don’t do anything unethical,” he calls back towards the others.


End file.
